A Toast To The Past

I wouldn’t even if I tried. I can’t even if I tried. It’s the hardest thing to ever think about but not just for me but for the person reading this as well. I know that its the past but things build from that. A got a beautiful yet complicated friendship. We were so confused about everything. He made me smile, every single day. The day we met, he told me he missed me and he was only gone for about 20 minutes. He said he cant go a day without speaking to me. He would message me every damn morning with a “goodmorning beautiful , how’d you sleep” and honestly, that would keep me smiling all day. I dont think i remember being pissed whenever i read that. He would ask me if i was okay when he felt like something was wrong. But how silly were we? a week into this we thought that we had everything,we seemed like a couple, but it all came down when he found out how distant we were. Distance shouldn’t be a problem if you really love them try your best to see them. It hurts to even speak about it.Ever since then we drifted. Away from each other. The conversations would make no sense or they wouldnt last. The messages in the morning slowly started to fade, and the happiness was gone. Did you think that ever made me give up ? nope. I wanted to see him happy so i tried my best to keep whatever we had left alive, but it was’nt good enough. He found someone else,and so did I. They didnt work out and neither did us. Things were just so complicated. I just wanted to see him smile as much as I could but i was never the reason for his smile NEVER. i couldnt change that though… NO I COULDN’T.It didn’t matter to me because his happiness would keep my day going. We fell apart quite bad, but i know whatever we had up there ^ it’s still there, deep down. I just cant stand the thought of him forgetting about me or even replacing me. It happens. It’s life. I just got to carry on. & if we fight about stupid shit, i have to say how much i hate him.. because i cant stand the pain anymore. The fact that NOTHING IS THE SAME ANYMORE. it hurts,it fucking hurts. No one underfuckingstands no one..i loved him, but I guess i had the right man but at the wrong time.